Every time I start to think about content for the site, I think of two things; doing a "best of" type of column, because I like lists, and an "Extreme Memories" thing going over the glory years of ECW and remembering why it made me like wrestling again.

The "list" thing came up again because I've given up hope finding my original CD of Nirvana - Unplugged In New York, so I finally downloaded the tracks. I can say that blatently, because I own the CD, so I don't mind downloading it off the net without paying. Plus, I don't really have the desire to pay crachwhore any royalities, but if Francis Bean is getting the money, then I'd consider it. Maybe in a trust.

Anyway, back to UINY. I was kind of a mainstream Nirvana fan back in the early to mid 90s, when the Seattle scene hit its stride. My friend Jesse introduced me to Nevermind, and MTV was the one that introduced me (and probably him) to Smells Like Teen Spirit. It was pretty cool, I enjoyed it, but ended up gravitating more to Pearl Jam during that time. I remember In Utero coming out, the shit that the band dealt with putting it out, and enjoying watching the band seemingly fuck with the label by doing everything that they didn't want them to do.

Then Kurt died.

Kurt died, and I heard about it driving back from college one day. It didn't really bother me too much, but the way it affected other people, I kind of was fascinated by it. Death only usually affects me by the affect it has on other people. Kurt's death was like that.

When I ended up working for The Wall later on, the winter of '94 had a few CDs in decent rotation in the store. UINY was one of them, and I remember when it was coming out that I was going to hate it, because it seemed like an attempt to capitalize on Kurt's death and the fact that the Christmas season was coming. There was talk at the time of two albums, actually, if I remember right. Only the one came out (From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah came out two years later, and I'm not sure if even that was supposed to be the "other" album), and we played it a LOT at The Wall.

I wanted to hate it, to be honest. I wanted to hate Geffen and the whole idea of putting out something like this and either sell records because of Christmas or sell records because of someone's sudden death popularity. But UINY was haunting, I guess the best way to describe it. It didn't sound like Nirvana; in fact, most of the songs I didn't even realize were Nirvana songs until later looking them up. Yeah, I understand there were a lot of covers in there too, but even songs like Dumb and Polly didn't sounds like Nirvana songs. They sounded like this singer in a lot of pain, with a lot of the shit cut away.

This isn't to say by any means that Nirvana's Nevermind (or other studio albums) were shit, it's just that it's a different type of music. With the hard in-your-face sound, Nirvana came off as a "fuck you, fuck everybody" type of band, which is what a lot of people took them as, but listening to the lyrics and Kurt's gentle voice, cracking here and there with emotion, you saw a completely different artist, and you almost felt sorry for him. Knowing what he was going through at the time he made the album, it's hard to not feel sorry for him, going through the illness and withdrawls of heroin addiction.

Kurt and Layne Staley both died thanks to heroin addiction, some eight years seperate from each other, in totally different fashions. Kurt's death was at his own hand, unable to take the pain fron the heroin withdrawl, dying still at the height of popularity, before anyone really knew the type of pain he was going through. Staley's work in Alice In Chains got dark for periods of time, and looking back at their work, you see someone else who was mired in the midst of drug addiction. I wonder what path Nirvana would have taken had Kurt not killed himself, and whether he would have taken Nirvana in the path that Alice In Chains eventually followed, releasing music but not touring, until eventually pulling the band in seperate directions. Would AIC have been looked upon more legendarily (is that even a word?) if "Man In THe Box" been a little bit more up tempo, allowing MTV to build around that as the intro into the Seattle scene?

Funny how two parallels can turn so abruptly.

Well damn.

Somebody just done drove into the TJ Maxx.

Sometimes I wish I had the money to sit home during the day so I could go to the daytime fire calls. They seem a whole lot more interesting than the nighttime ones.

I'm not a happy man.

I've been exploring other options in regards to my current employment. My current job isn't bad, but there are several things that could make it better, such as opportunity to grow, benefits, more income, and interesting work. I'm not really interested in telephones nor the telephone industry, or being a customer service person, which is pretty much what I am now. The job is good for paying my bills, and the people who work there are good, but I know there are better opportunites for me out there.

So along comes this local department store, who had contacted me some many months ago back when I was an unemployed schmuck about a very interesting position they had. It was computer database work, implementing a system, some management, and the opportunity to grow. I was perfect for the job, and the guy who interviewed me loved me. He thought I was perfect for the job. I was interviewed twice for it.

I didn't get it.

The guy actually called me shocked that he had to tell me they were going with someone else. He honestly felt bad, but kept swearing up and down that they were going to be hiring more people for the division, and that if it were his decision, etc. Fine.

Sure enough, a short time passes, and I get a call back from the place. It was at the same time I was going through the 10 Job Challenge. They wanted me for an interview. So, I went in there for an interview, and ended up meeting for a short time with the guy who interviewed me first (who was leaving the company shortly) and then with this other person. I felt I had a good interview with him, and he responded by not getting back to me immedately. In the meantime, I had gotten an interview for the company that I currently work for. They offered me a job. I wanted the other job more. I contacted them to let them know that, and they said they couldn't make a decision yet. Faced with a definate job in one direction or a more ideal [i]chance[/i] at a job in the other, I went for the sure thing. You would have too, if you had a wife at home to support and bills on the table.

So I don't hear back from them until recently. Couple of weeks ago, this new guy calls me up to ask if I'm interested in this job that I had been interested in before. He brings me in, we interview for like almost an hour, and it went really well. I went out of the interview thinking positive things.

Tuesday, I get a call on my cell from him again, asking if we can meet again on Thursday. I schedule an appointment with him for 2:00PM that Thursday. He moved the appointment to 1:30PM later that day, but it was set.

Wednesday afternoon, I get hit by a bad flu bug/food poisoning. My cell phone has like no charge in it, so I turn it off Wednesday night, and dread calling back this company to postpone this second interview to Friday, and even contemplate going into work that day just so I can make this interview (my current job and this other company are in the same town, and part of me felt wrong about going to the interview but not to work).

I finally decide Thursday morning that I honestly just can't get out of bed. For those of you who have had the flu/food poisoning, you know why leaving the house is probably a bad idea. I grab my cell phone because the number for the guy I interview with is programmed in it. As I turn it on to get the number, my cell phone tells me there's a voicemail message. I make the call first, get his voicemail, tell him that I'm really sick, that I'd prefer to postpone the interview to tomorrow, but if we need to, we can do it today.

When I play the message, it was sent about 5-10 minutes earlier, from the guy who was supposed to interview me, cancelling the interview. He tells me in the message that due to the professional relationship between the two companies, they have decided against me as a candidate, and that they are sorry.

What the hell, man?

Why do you do that? The only relationship you have with the company is that you get a service from them. You mean to tell me that if you found out the guy you were about to hire to be your next sales manager currently worked as a janitor for the company that cleans your office, you wouldn't hire him, just because you have a good working relationship with the cleaning company?

There's no logic in this.

It'd be easy to say that this was a way out for them, deciding that they were going to hire someone else and instead of saying that they weren't going to hire me, try to make up an excuse that made it seem like "it's not you... it's us." But then why the second interview? Why the last minute cancellation? What changed their mind within a 36 hour window?

Just... very annoyed right now. It seems like something or someone wants to hold me back for whatever reason.

Well, here's the start. Buhner.com doesn't get updated enough and I'm too lazy to fix the HTML to make it easy to update, so I'm going to do it this way for a while.

Why here? Well, when the mood strikes (whether at work or at home or wherever), I can blog. I don't have to wait until I get home, write up something, correct it, and end up ditching it anyway. That's happened way too much lately, and the end result is Buhner.com being dormant for a while.

Will this replace the main content pages of Buhner.com? Pfft. My goal with this is to launch my mental diareha (spelling be damned) onto this, then when I want to update Buhner.com, I can easily transfer this and put it nicely (spellchecking and everything) onto Buhner.com, where people will/might look at it.

Those who want the "raw blog" can always go to the blog page, to see what that came out of.

Of course, I'm making the assumption that people read my site, which is silly.

Anyway, here I can make several posts during the day, no matter what the length. I might take them and put them together into one thing posting to Buhner.com, I might make them into an article, or I might just cut and paste and say fuck it. I haven't figured that out yet, but that'd be a bridge over there, and we're over here right now.

Anyway, that's it. Bye.

First off, lets get this out of the way.

- She knew it was going to happen.
- He knew it was going to happen.
- It was set up.
- MTV knew about it.
- CBS didn't know about it.

There. Much better. Now, if you took my advice that was on my away message as I spent the big Sunday at my brother-in-law's (next year, it's home for me), you made money. I actually called it right three different ways, and if you were in Vegas and followed my advice (Carolina with the spread, New England straight up, and the over), you won each time.

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be a straight-up addicted gambler if I lived in Vegas and could bet on football legally. Football's fun to bet on, and it's not to hard to make an educated guess. Other sports are a crapshoot. When you play 80-160 games a year, one doesn't mean too much. But when you play 16, there's a lot of preparation, and the best team usually wins.

I'm probably not making it to Vegas this year, which is sad. It'll be two straight years without my fav-o-rite place to visit, and my second home (I swear, I've never felt so comfortable there for whatever reason.) Then, looking ahead to future years, the kid comes into play, and there's talk of things like Disney World and the such. I'll admit there's a part of me that would like to see Orlando, but I don't want to be one of those who goes every year. My thought though is with kids, you don't get to make that choice anymore.

Driving home last night, I drew up a story idea. Made it pretty clear, too. Defined characters, style, outcome, things I didn't necessarily have with other stories. My main issue with my literature is outcome. For whatever reason, I can't usually think of an ending. I write and write until I run out of things to say, and then it just sort of hangs with a non-ending, and it ends up getting scrapped. I've got a few good pieces of work that if they had endings, would be done by now, including a screenplay.

Oh well. The horrors of ADD.